Filler

& everything else is just filler…

Mess and occasional epiphany
This detritus of life
Sinks low and sometimes stinks high
Yet also serves as a breeding ground.

Life can be a broody hen
Incubating
More from less
Primordial ooze canoodling
I bet even God didn’t know
Exactly what she was getting into.

And everything else but filler
Sometimes disappoints
Biggest and greatest
Begets plenty of wadding
“Is that all there is…?”
Peggy Lee bemoans.

Don’t we want the fireworks to go on
Forever
Bigger and better?
Oooh, ahhh!

Is it like eating prunes?
Is three enough?

Is six too many?

Stop Pretending

I can stop pretending
I know who I am
Or at least who I think I am
I have my suspicions

 I am addicted to my tale
And so self-dependent, self-defined
Liable with no certain assurances
A life long fear of being unmasked
My story that can fill my day
And serve soma for the night
I am a lamb on the lamb
Make it ok mama
Make it ok.

A patina of duplicity is found to exist
Maybe I have fooled the rest of you
Shame-shame
And god knows I have tried to fool myself
Blame-blame
With little lies and bigger stories
I know where the trophies are displayed
I know where the bodies are buried.

But it is such a cumbersome burden
To be out amongst the tribes
Yours and mine
Who I judge to be judgmental.

Silent is not secret, hear me?
Words are not walls, brick-by-brick
Two meanings serve two masters.

I am a cat out of the bag
Can’t you see?
So, isn’t that enough for you?
Isn’t that enough for me?

Sorting

I have glasses I sometimes wear
But I take them off at night.
No need.
In my dream-sleep world
Everything seems crystal clear, 1080p.
Apart from the dreaded anxiety dreams
It is a peaceful place,
A preferred place,
And free of the dreaded real-world anxieties:
No maniacal cartoon character presidents
Or fires of the insanities.
Safe as safe can be…

Somewhere last night in the background
I could hear the rain.
Warm in bed it seduced me to choose
A bit more early morning sleep.
Should I get up in the cold house
and see what the waking world has to offer?
“No,” the water warns
Rocking me rhythmically
Drumming down the drainpipe
It helps me choose,
A fluvial sorting of sorts,
And I have no will to resist.

A page or two into my next dream
I hear:
Tap-tap, tap-tap-tap.
Someone at my chamber door?
So unlikely.
I will not peek.
Woodpecker drilling into the shingles?
For sure.
And they require no entrance into my world,
Save for some seed and suet.
We have long ago made our pleasant peace
Although I’d prefer
Not to have them
As my alarm clock.

Find Your Joys

The best days of my life 

Are the ones where I’m not afraid to live,

Unabated and intrepid. 

The worst days are the ones that I fear life,
Either instigated by the will of others
Or especially by my own.
Such judgment leads to condemnation.

And don’t hassle over things too much.
Chances are
Your first inclination is often the right one.
Life affirms itself
And can be contagious.

You are not alone.
You will likely find
Other like-minded people to live your life with
Or they will find you.

Find your joys 

Burnish them

Great and small,
And share them.

November Rain

The rain is slightly confusing.
An outlier in November,
Heavy and nearly nonsensical,
It is dark and warm
As it leaches the leaves off the birches.
Soon the oak leaves will fall as well
Though the beeches still resist
And will chatter late into the winter,
Loitering long enough to
Sing welcome to the spring.

Out my window I notice
That this persistent shower
Is washing the bird droppings off my car’s windshield
Oh joy!

Plopped there by chickadees and titmice

Who have gathered sunflower seeds at the nearby feeder
Grinds from their gizzards.
I feed them as they bring me happiness
-The nature of joy found in such common beauty-
And so at the moment
I gather in
And am buoyed by two joys.