Push and Pull

I am invited to a party,
Will I go?
How will I fit
Who will I know
What will I do,
What will I do?!
Stand awkwardly
Joke defensively
Drink medicinally?
I think
too much,
futuring:
Will I look good/bad
Will I over commit
Or under achieve?
Will it haunt me
When I view the highlight reel?
And will I pass the final judging:
My clothes
My hair
My breath
My humor
My intelligence
My god!
Shall I be the recipient of
My self-issued blue ribbon,
Or the much dreaded
Certificate of participation?