Hors d'oeuvres

Act One
The Premise

Would it shock you to know
would it cost me to admit
would it amuse you perhaps
to know
my ulterior motives?

They lie there just under the skin
don't they?
sub rosa
sequestered away
hidden from view
some not so subtle
while others are buried and denied
sub terra.

They are the little tunes
that I whistle in the dark...


Act Two
The Scenario

At the party
we stand elbow to elbow.
You know me from work
or as a friend of a friend
or maybe we are life long partners,
and we talk
maybe business, a little pleasure
mostly innocent chat
maybe a flirt
and you take an accounting of me
as I make an inventory of you,
(to be filed after while in a social dossier.)

I am looking in your shadows
listening to your in-breath
referencing your nuances
against mine,
and in those moments
and later that day and days to come
these morsels,
as tasty as any hors d'oeuvres,
are digested
and recomposed
and tucked away
for another time,
to play again in scenarios not yet conceived,
like a line from a verse that is not yet written.

I let them churn a bit in the gut
ferment and brew
until they become a shadowy reality
pulsing quietly and randomly
crossing the hot line from the head
to just below the navel.


Act Three
Is It a Want or a Need?


These motives are not mean things,
but they are surely selfish.
And likely much more of a want
than a need,
and devious in degrees perhaps
like half truths
and strategic omissions
these, my private thoughts about you.

So why this game of "if" and "then when?"
this game within the game
chess-like
sometimes playful
sometimes with a sting...
Is it perhaps the need for a fall back plan?
contingencies?
or perhaps the need for a life more full?
embellishments?
Girdings for some contest or coming battle?
Social acumen?

Or a little danger,
Exotic and mysterious,
to tweak the dormant glands?



Ah,
maybe you don't have a hidden agenda,
(are you're so open and rational?)
Maybe you don't have an ulterior motive.
But I say they are there
yours and mine
and maybe you just haven't looked...?