What You Leave Behind

What You Leave Behind

There is a tree

In Cheeseman Park, Denver, Colorado
That I carved my initials into
Circa June, 1970.

I want you to find it
And ask the tree
To not think less of me.

The unfortunate truth
Is that we are all scarred
So, look for the tree
And maybe you will know a little more of me.

Colorado was a wild tumbleweed waystation
And I was focused on my shallower self
Swiss army knife in hand
With no concern, not much
For your skin my friend
I just wanted to memorialize in the smooth bark
Those moments...
Make them come to full stop.

I had faith in your grey skin
That it would heal strong and bear witness
And that you would curate my marks.

Truth be known at this stop down the line
That those marks mean less
Than the whole of the tree,
And its persistent living and generous breathing,
As trees are nothing
If not tolerant gifts
To you and me.

-P. Sanderson

Soda at Panera Prayer

Soda at Panera Prayer

Standing at the drink machine in Panera
The little girl and her mother choose a beverage.
To the mother it is a simple act,
One of hundreds she does daily.
It brings her no pleasure;
With an audible sigh
She fills their cups while
Her mind hassles with other expectation
As she juggles her near future.

The little girl
Her pigtailed progeny
Who shadows her mother's left hip
Must see this machine as a small wonder:
A gushing goddess of endless sweetness
Just out of reach.

But in her young imagination
It will be hers
Someday
It's the way of the world, 
Hers
When she reaches the moment
That money and means are within grasp.

It’s a simple dream
It’s the American Dream
Where the streets are paved in plenty
And fountains flow in pleasing draughts.

I am both charmed and frightened.
I wish for her a stoppage of time
Where she might dwell
In which her desires are within her grasp
And each day ends
Bear in arms
Tucked in her bed where
The sheets are cool and smooth as glass
And the pleasures are within easy reach
And the prices are simple.

World without end,
Amen.

-P. Sanderson

Must

This day and I

Are trying to meet somewhere in the middle

And I am having a difficult time keeping up

My end of the deal.

The day presents itself benignly

Despite what attributions I give it.

It is rainy and cold.  So what, it might say?

If I was a judge I would find you guilty 

Of malicious precipitation, say I.

But there are no back room deals to be had here

So make of it what you can.

Keep your grip.  You must, must, 

The chorus of mothers’ cautions.

I do offer in my defense 

The school dream from the night before,

Classic and chaotic:

I can’t find my clothes, can’t seem to deal with

Putting on my pants

And I’m late, White Rabbit late.

Funny, haha

But it doesn’t feel that way.

And it sets an anxious tone

One that spawns from mind and marrow

And grips me too and won’t let go.

It does damage to the deal.

No it won’t let go

Nor will it come clear,

It is slightly repellent

Yet I hold it dear.

But why?!

A shower will not scrub it off

Coffee will not change its pace.

Food fails

Friends flounder
And the waitress looks at me
As if to say
Sir, you seem quite insane,
As I ask for pepperoni toast
Instead of pumpernickel.

My only response to her unspoken truth
Is to over tip
(Such acts might seem quite normal?)
And seek the answer from the lesson
Elsewhere being taught
In my murky middle.

It’s right there I’d like to think.
It’s right there.

Dragonfly

I have no real business here
And neither do you, or so it seems.
We both chose to sit and bask
In the early morning sun
Warm against the cool of the night

Now waning.

 I commend you on your choice of perch
A new leaf on the rhododendron
That offers a view of its blossoms
On this day of their fading glory
Soon to wilt beyond the punky pink
Which they are not shy to show.

I wish you to find your way
To the nearby frog pond
Where I hope for you the water is just right
So that you may drop in a small raft of eggs
Your progeny to carry on there
The life aquatic

So brilliant, your kind

Who will later burst from that water world
And fly free and fast among your aerial allies.

There is a shift
In wind and light
In thought and purpose
And together we both rise
And move on into our day
Seeking to find the next best thing.